I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
