sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
