pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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