..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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