I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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