i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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