i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
