If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
