Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
