i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
