It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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