id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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