Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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