she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
