Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
