sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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