doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
