I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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