Just cropdusted the office
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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