Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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