It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
