Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
