Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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