I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
wow bdsm is so cute
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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