Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
