Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just cropdusted the office
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
