dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
