i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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