she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
