I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
