you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
