There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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