i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
