I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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