can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
