Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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