fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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