I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
