I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
