We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
