I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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