My cat gives me a boner
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
