you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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