Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
