It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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