i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
