i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
