And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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