please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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