life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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