xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
