4 words: hood of his car
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
