My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
