would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
