I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
