Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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